Lets kick this crazy off

 Maybe I am an asshole, that is the only way to start this farce.  Yes, I am blogging however no this is not the same Prince Charming bullshit.  This is just my thoughts raw in nature and yes too much of this would be like raw cocaine, you could overdose on this dope.  I guess you can call it the narcists side of me.  No, I am not a narcist but deep inside of me is the asshole that runs deep.   The side of me that is a monster that stays deep in the abyss of my so-called soul.  This is just a side that is defunct of feelings and what most would call fucks or damns for those that do not curse unless it is hidden within the four walls of their house.  Since most people hide the deplorable parts of themselves within the cave that they dwell in.  I know because I am now typing in the hole that you can call my lair or in my childhood the honeycomb hideout.  I have been known as a child or just simple to most of my friend’s wives.  I like what I like and could wax poetically all night about LSU and my state.  Its not just where I am from, oh wait I guess it is deep inside of me.  Unlike when I am with a woman sex seems to be more like my mind half in and half out.  I am a bit of one that sometimes I am fully present or there others I just get tired of being who they want me to be.  I am from Louisiana and not that northern shit that plagues me with the Ducks.  I know sometimes I do not make sense grammatically however if I cared half the time or most of the time I would be lying.  

One of my close friends told me I need to stop pleasing everyone to the point that I am stressed out feeling dejected.  To take care of myself however that is hard since my first reaction to take care of the people in my life.  Yes, this is at times a double edge sword.  This is also many other saying a girt and a curse.  This blog should be none of these however sometimes this nice guy side of me creeps in like Smegal with the ring.  Then again, the bad in me comes out kind of like Mr. Hyde to come out of Doctor Jeckle.  Yes of course it does at inopportune times.  If I must explain a character from Lord of the Rings, then you should jump off a bridge or watch it because either will have you wanting to sleep.  Yes, my dating life I am in and out.  No, I do not want to hear that is why I am single.  Dating as I have said is like being a relator in Iraq.  Plenty of properties however they are bombed out from past wars.  I usually leave after they have told me how unhappy they are with my lack of actions however I have changed for 4 women and that was a miserable pit of decaying animal insides.  I thought I was happy they had me under their spell of course at times when they found me vulnerable to then try to change everything about me.  I will admit they were opportunists and I let them because I thought I loved them all.  Just to get snapped back to reality, oh there goes gravity like B. Rabbit in 8 Mile.  If I must explain that reference as well, I guess you are lost like private Ryan and do not want to be found.  Watch a couple movies and do not give me that hipster garbage that you are too busy for movies or do not because you are better than sitting and rotting watching a movie.  Most people cannot spell academic however want to act like a uptight person that does not like popular culture or anything people bring up as interests to make themselves more interesting.   

I have many issues inside my head however most of the time I am very introverted.  Well only because my skin is too light in color for my personality.  I know call me all the names you want however this is my blog and you can as the poet Gordon Ramsey says FUCK OFF!  At times I must think of some kinky stuff during sex because most of the time I am trying to get hard with someone I do not find sexually attractive and at this time must find a way to get hard.  I have found my choices getting slimmer and just lower quality.  While I am supposed to settle down with someone however most of the time, I just make the women in my life mad.  I do not show a lot because in my angry age I must warm up to them.  Not just because the women in my past have been manipulative demons.  I guess some would say I am not emotionally available however the more unavailable I am the more I am wanted.  I know this seems to be alarming however the more unavailable I am the more they want me.  They are detectives that want the art of the chase.  Well time to get some rest need a break from my thoughts.