Communication and other problems while another one departs

 

Good evening it is a wonderful Sunday for me my LSU Tigers won and surprisingly my Saints won too. This weekend I was supposed to take out this woman I was dating however the events happened that basically provided destruction to the date as well the relationship chances.  I will start by the first problem in a communication stream was Snapchat.  This is an application in which all the messages disappear after seeing them like the message that self-destructs in mission impossible 3,2,1 and boom goes the female.  I will tell you what happened and what I possibly did wrong in the correspondence then tell you why my mind said nope it is not worth it.  First it started that I got a message from her on Snapchat asking about Saturday night.  What to wear? What time?  The usual questions when it comes to a time out of the house.  I explained that I want to watch my football game at my friend’s house then go out on the town or a bar.  I don’t know if it is my accent or what she heard however then I had message after message of a speech about swinging with other couples.  This was done on numerous video messages that cut each other off like I was blinking, or the video was buffering.  This had my head spinning as it was round right round.  Me getting caught off guard and already since this is not the first time a conversation with this one has gone off the rails into a lake of fire.  I thought why she is telling me this I did not say anything about swinging. 

I then sent a message smiling stating that I did not know what she heard however I did not say anything about that.  She had history with me going off on a tangent about a misunderstanding.  I told her I wanted only to talk to her, and I was not into that type of activity with other couples.  This turned into her saying that I thought she was crazy.  Yes, I could of said hey is that what you heard because I said this instead of I do not know what your talking about however for those that do not know the dumpster fire would have been ablaze if I had done this with this one female.  Remember how I told you that the train wreck went into a river of fire.  She then started talking about how I do not spend time with her if we are talking or dating.  On a side note I am kind of a person of habit and with the pandemic, I do like staying in or just going to my friends because I went to her house once and did not feel comfortable yet.  I like going to my friends houses when it doesn’t feel horrible inside to do so.  That is another conversation for another entry.  She then told me I like black dick then followed it in the next message that she said this to put a hole in my heart.  She told me that I was talking to other females and go out all the time that it does not matter what she does.  Me not knowing that this was coming from left field I wondered why this was coming from another field all together.  Her saying my name was increasingly almost condescending in her tone.  To try to get me to believe that I was losing my mind however I was combing all my past words to find what could have been misconstrued or twisted into the swinging conversation in the first place.  I have had a date scheduled and she would come at me with I just want to stay home and clean. 

This came up to squash our date because suddenly, she had so much to do around the house once again.  This went on for about 10 more minutes of confusion shuffling subjects in this app while she drugs on every sentence for extra minutes while being saying a condescending Jalen!  If this were a drinking game the amount of times, she said Jalen I would have been drunk in minutes.  I tried to put the fire out to have a reasonable conversation however I got accused of calling her crazy when I was just wanting to figure out what made her think I would want a swingers type thing or the night before a ménage trios.  Then it came out that maybe we should just be friends however I do not want to be friends because she gets sounds twisted and with her, she looks for something to find a problem.  I then came up with that maybe she was questioning because I did not message her that much the night before because I was playing a video game and doing stuff to relax after a long week at work.  I am very independent and do not just jump into a female’s life because of past relationships I went headfirst only to come up falling off a building.  I do my thing then try to incorporate her into my life.  In other words, I do not lose myself because I have, and the recovery is hard.  Believe me my friends will all bring up names of the times I have crashed with a female.  Now I think she was trying to push me away because I was not all in her life like they say spark and a fire or blaze however as we know that they burn out or go out of control. 

I am pretty accepting in these days of single mothers and dating.  I wait for their time however they tend to disrespect my time thinking well I have a babysitter you are now supposed to hop up and move when told.  I try to be level in my life not to go crazy or lose control too much because as I have stated it always goes horribly bad.  I mean play my heart will go on bad from titanic bad.  I thought about messaging her last night to start another dialogue maybe she had time to think however this was the fourth or fifth time this has happened.  Instead of asking did you say this because your accent made it sound like you said this, I get a speech without a word from me.  I know that I am not perfect however sometimes I know most females just want to ramble and vent that I allow them because fighting them is like a salmon fighting the current no matter how far you get it is not a good outcome.  There was not an open dialogue again then when I brought up this fact and I was being disrespected.  She said I was the one disrespectful because I called her crazy.  Those words never came out of my mouth I just asked why she was thinking I said this because I do not believe in it.  Well I know that instead of analyzing myself and anxiety was on fire because I already take people personally because I do not want anyone in my life to hurt even when sometimes it is uncomfortable for me as a people pleaser.  I cared however every word I said was just responded in a patronizing way.  The dialog was one way and I got blasted with words like getting a sip of water from a fire hose.  I have felt bad all day and did not have the heart to tell her I just wanted to keep simple because I had unexpected financial set back that limited my funds.  My pride was hurt however I wanted to find a way to spend time with this girl one on one however that was not meant to be.  Well back to the dating application to find another person to talk and see if she wants to start something great.  Hopefully not another mess and my heart will go on however it is not as easy with me to keep moving on.  Well hopefully I can find someone to spend time with knowing I will have to make more of a push for the next one.  Thank you for reading have a great night.