My life is just as valuable

 

I have some thoughts that are gnawing on me like a dog on a bone.  Its churning my stomach like an agitator in a washing machine.  I am at a point of bursting with anger however I will not unleash fire, brimstone or my wrath  on here if possible.  I know many will take this personally however this is just my experience and how I feel.  I know my feelings do not matter about dating or women because men in the past did not let them vote.  This will be a subject I will touch on another blog entry. 

I am as we know in the dating world that I will still refer to dating these turbulent days as being a realtor in Iraq.  There are plenty of properties however they are bombed out from past wars.  I understand neglect and abuse are prevalent in this society of people hurting others because they have been hurt.  The eye for an eye will make the whole world blind philosophy is lost from the mental health issue epidemic that exists in this country.  The constant passing of anger and hate like a disease is bringing the country down.  This is not going after the person that hurt you, no this is hurting others for actions of another.   I have stated bringing real estate into this is like housing where the new owner pays for the neglect of the past owners because we break or wear down then move on.  It is a vicious circle of wear and tear then discarding like a used condom. 

Now for my thoughts that have been lost in the preview or explanation of my feelings.  In this day of damage then move on, I date single mothers because yes and this will be in another blog about the death of the family unit.  I understand their kids are their lives and many have been alone with these children.  The frustrating aspect is time with these women around the kids.  Not that they spend time with their children because I know this is a positive.  The problem I have to a point of being disrespected is my life does not matter because I do not have children.  They get a surprise babysitter I am expected jump.  On certain days when the kid maybe somewhere else I am expected to drop everything.  I have decided that I have neglected the people in my life when I date because like a kid chasing a soccer ball I am constantly chasing them for time.  I made the decision that they will have to meet me half way because my life and the people in it are important to me. 

I am relaxed now and trying to integrate the women in my life slowly because I do not want to destroy my life because I am chasing them.  Running around like a chicken with my head cut off confused leads to me taking a fall mentally when we break up.  Then I am apologizing to the people in my life for my absence even though they understand or say they do I know that it is not okay.  I try to find common time and would like to know when they are available not just be waiting on a six ring stand bye like I did in the military.  On the days they did not have a child maybe they are at a relatives or their fathers house, that it is not all or nothing because that is a day the woman has off I am supposed to spend it with her or I do not like her.  This turns into a feelings dumb on me that I do not like her because this was supposed to be hers when I already have plans.  Explaining the fact that I am no longer just running because you have time when others that have been around more that are family at my lowest points.  They have priority like their families have priority.  Why is my life not as important?

I don’t invite them unless it’s a couples hang out because I know that they would not be happy hanging out with just the guys while we just talk and vent.  That is why I wait till a cookout or going to other couples houses to hangout.  To be real I think most of them want me in their area because they do not want to be exposed for a feeling they have about themselves.  Incorporate them like flour into dough.  Slowly so a life is merged together organically.  I cannot leave those that have been there during all of my ups and downs stranded for a girl that I may have a relationship starting.  Why is my time not as valuable as their time?  Then the emotional you do not like me spend more time with me is blasted at me like getting a drink from a fire hose.  The constant dump because if I don run at their beck and call then I get called names and claims that I am vain ring out then I am burned at the stake like a witch in Salem.  Now the public burning are done on Facebook and other social media outlets.  I am the worst person in the world why because I want my life too.  It should not be all her and no me at all.  I want to be happy with a significant other with my family and friends is that too much to ask?