FIrst time no fire is a bad thing

 

“How many roads does a man walk down, before you call him a man?”

“All the shine of a thousand spotlights,

All the stars we steal from the night sky,

Will never be enough, never be enough.” 

Why am I quoting two different songs for this one blog?  Will anything ever be enough, to prove myself to be a man.  I will always be fighting however I feel that I am lost no future.  I do not know where to go, I need to be doing more school and improving however I am just tired.  I have not slept that much in the past few days.  I have an admission for everyone.  I never felt like I was enough for my exes and that I was always falling.  I was always trying to prove I was good enough for them.  That eventually led to my downfall as a person.  I had all the confidence in the world just to burn it all out.  Leaving me dejected and just falling as my grandma said if an angel can fall so can man. 

How to I pull myself up from this when the count seems like it has been going on for years however did not strike ten and I did not hear no bell.  I used to have a million dreams and I state to people it feels like I cannot spell a million dreams.  This is a statement because as we can say I can spell the word however I cannot understand stand it anymore.  Lost in my thoughts needing a purpose a destination because when that left me then it drained me of all my energy the light.  I am told I am old like I should just roll up and quit however deep within my soul a dragon lurks deep with a fire of passion so hot just waiting to escape. 

Dormant waiting however it maybe as easy to walk out and show the fire within however I wish this was as easy as it was just to press the letters on a keyboard.  I just want it back not to be told I am too old or I am done.  This cannot be it for me to be this shell of a guy.  I wish there was a coffee or energy drink for this one.  Well thanks for reading have a great day!