The Arrows Have Hit Their Mark

 

Today I just need to vent and once again spill these thoughts like a spillway because I am full to the brim.  I know I should not let people from the past in my head however the words some shoot like arrows do hit their mark.  I cannot fend all of them off.  My ex asked if I wanted some pictures of her naked because I cannot like the quality or lack their of the females since she has departed.  Well I know she is jealous and married, that she still wants to cut me little by little until I am drained.  I swear before I blocked her those million paper cuts have taken their toll on me.  The other part of it is the females that have left lately, I just do not know why they cannot relax with me instead of threats and accusations thrown at me when they do not understand.  Just because I am not at their house does not mean I am partying like a Rockstar.  I go where I am comfortable and try my hardest to let them in however then the wiping out of my comfort with numerous accusations and just incessant nagging, keep me thinking maybe I do not make them happy because I like to be happy and relaxed.  Then I retract like a turtle in my shell and try to communicate however they communicate like getting a drink from a fire hose.  I know this is a ground hog day that seems to repeat itself. 

I try not to have the same thoughts and work daily to get better.  I am taking some pills to make sure I am up to performance peak well for my age.  Yes I know they might be performance enhancing and may be illegal in the UFC.  I need a boost I have become drained everyday with probably lack of sleep being the issue.  Yes, this is a known issue like in the world of cell phones.  I have been just dealing with this in the best way possible.  I am making adjustments sleeping like I did in the military when I can.  Sometimes I have to go back to how my body was trained.  Workout when I have the energy and try to get balance that way.  I need to be better however it is hard when I am working with a sleep deficient.  Time to power through working myself to get better go back to school and continue my growth with being more fluent in many languages.  I have it in me I just have to pick times when I know my brain is not too exhausted to absorb information.  Just like water you need the proper way to have your body able to absorb the right amount to benefit your body.  The mind is the same and exhaustion will of course take away from the amounts that can be taken in. 

I cannot keep putting myself down when others want me to be down on myself.  I am still a good catch even though most have past on this greatness of a man.  Yes, I know here he goes with the self-pep rally.  I need to not put myself in a hole after others dig it to push me in, like when the undertaker tries to close the casket in wrestling I must maintain my balance and push on that lid.  Well thank you for reading have a great day.