I'm in a Hurry to get the wrong things done

 

The first day of lent has arrived, and my fast food, soda, beer, and numerous other vices must be taken away.  These 40 days and 40 nights plus are going to be one of cleansing and hopefully weight loss.  I weighed in at an alarming 238.3 pounds.  I must quit sabotaging myself not to realize how I felt about myself.  I cannot let others dictate how I feel consciously or unconsciously about myself.  Dig deep and remember the confidence that has transported me to this point.  Why quit on myself now because I have had a couple of setbacks?  I used to destroy all that oppose me now it feels to me I have become passive at times.  I know this has been stated in previous versions of this blog.  The mask I used to wear even when I felt down however, I started being too vulnerable.  To the point that people have lost confidence in me and I have waivered on myself.  This has been a watershed moment in my life. 

I have noticed my life has become no fluff at all.  I have gone into the straight no chaser, straight shots.  We all know you do not enjoy the party when you just take straight shots of liquor.  I know that liquor gets you drunker quicker.  Then it takes me out of the now and is rushing to get out of my head.  A rush to go nowhere.  Instead of enjoying the time relaxing enjoying the drink and the moment.  Where am I in a rush to go?  I have rushed so much call me Emmitt Smith.  It’s the song by the group Alabama I’m in a hurry to get things done.  The lyrics “I am in a hurry to get things done, rush and rush till life’s no fun.   All I really gotta do is live or die, I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.”

I like pace in football or basketball need to know when to rush and when to take my time enjoy the moments.  As it is stated in most homes of females since they line their walls with words and quotes, life is not measured by the breathes we take but by the moments that take our breathes away.  Yes, call me the asshole for mentioning this as you remember all the houses with quotes like this around.  I learned from a book that is plastered to my brain and I remember at random times to embrace the now.  Enjoy the moment take more pictures than by myself.  I know that selfies in my case are often alonies even around people. I tend to turtle shell up and go inside instead of spreading my personality love it or hate to the masses. 

I know that the changes must be done now for the actual enacting of the necessary changes to make these words real instead of something great to say however empty of action.  Lets see if I implement changes or if I just continue to be the stubborn asshole I know I can be.