The Chaotic Mind of Jalen????

  Today I would like to be transparent about my fear and my day to day struggle.   Today has turned into a great morning mentally.   These do not happen every day.   See my brain is like one of those wrestlers or professional athletes that have injuries, wake up feeling the pains of the past.   Some days the uphill battle from the time I wake up to I go to sleep, just to make me feel good to have a great day.   I battle I push demons back like Hodor in the Game of Thrones closing the door with the white walkers pounding on the door.   Sometimes Hodor keeps them out then sometimes I cannot hold the door and get overwhelmed.   I used to be great at pretending or putting on the mask or the show as I call it however, I just want to be real.   I want the people to know that it is not as easy and with the mask I was not being real or genuine.   I know that times people saw cracks in which a couple of my exes would say I cannot handle you showi...

  My love for music has always been around since the days I was a child.   The Music moves through me hears to ignite different emotions like a flame.   The emotions so sweet like Aerosmith once said in a song.   I as I wrote heard the long drag of sweeeet emoootion.   Like a draw of breath in the morning just cool and refreshing, with my eyes closed just letting it caress my face.   The music can remind you of loss that person or people that meant so much in your life.   That can make you smile and cry at the same time.   Then there are songs like Hurt especially the version by Johnny Cash.   You feel the pain of a life all the times cries have been held in.   The emotion that had been hardened like stone from years piling up layer by layer until you cannot feel anything.   Till one day the stone starts to crack then all those feelings of loss and hurt creep out.   Johnny Cash then felt you could hear and see the pain in his f...

  Night settles in as I relax a little before I head for the hopes for another day.   Yes, my fear is death and it scares me all the time.   When you have looked into its eyes and dared it to take you then you respect and fear it.   I know this is about my dating exploits however looking within helps with knowing where I am emotionally when I meet people.   I was on the dating site I had two hits however they fizzled out like Alca seltzer in warm water.   No response from text and messenger.   I will say that most people including me in the past have used the work excuse as a temporary wall.   Like a speed bump however this is just another way to protect your heart.   I have realized my error in the past with this method.   Error I always wonder if I have missed the three ships to come save me like in the old tale.   There was a man drowning that prayed to god please save me.   When a ship came to him with the captain offerin...

  Today I have had numerous thoughts that I wanted to evacuate from my brain because it’s a potential disaster in the making.   I make mistakes in life and often I vent to people, I don’t often however when I do all the feelings come out at once.   That’s why I turn to writing on here and share it to the masses of people.   Well all ten or fifteen views I get on this however this is not about the views it is the people knowing what is on my mind.   Today I found possibly the first of many to find my blog offensive. I know that some of my musing can be strong.   Well this day has been disastrous and of course I am being dramatic since LSU just dropped the equivalent to a deuce on television today.   I know this is not my sports blog however I will state emotionally it crushed me even more than normal.   I know blogging is antiquated and most people despise reading period.   I am tired today I have gained weight to a point of sadness looking ...