The Chaotic Mind of Jalen????

  I alwaysI always say that the cold is like my ex fiancés.  It beautiful to look at however it is cold and when its in my life I cannot do anything productive with it present.  I have zero ill will towards my ex fiancés or ex-girlfriends.  I just came up with that as I pear out of my window and see all the white covering the ground like Scarface’s desk.  This looks like the Ghostbusters Stay Puff Marshmallow Man has exploded all over the neighborhood.  I know many people will look at my love life as an abortion, just when the heartbeats in my relationship someone like one of my exes did aborts it before I get a chance to know it.  I know morbid however them two plus maybe one other one has done it and yes, I hate them for that decision they have made however I could not change it or go back into time to stop them.  I have told them all my feelings however I have not expressed it to those I care about.  I held this anger and hate in for yea...

  The first day of lent has arrived, and my fast food, soda, beer, and numerous other vices must be taken away.   These 40 days and 40 nights plus are going to be one of cleansing and hopefully weight loss.   I weighed in at an alarming 238.3 pounds.   I must quit sabotaging myself not to realize how I felt about myself.   I cannot let others dictate how I feel consciously or unconsciously about myself.   Dig deep and remember the confidence that has transported me to this point.   Why quit on myself now because I have had a couple of setbacks?   I used to destroy all that oppose me now it feels to me I have become passive at times.   I know this has been stated in previous versions of this blog.   The mask I used to wear even when I felt down however, I started being too vulnerable.   To the point that people have lost confidence in me and I have waivered on myself.   This has been a watershed moment in my life.   I hav...

  Welcome from my hibernation in this frozen tundra, citing a meme I have seen today.   Dear Northerners, your weather is drunk and in our yard.   Please come get it immediately!   As most that read this blog know that I despise snow and wish death on snow.    Now that I am done with that crazy bitch known as mother nature.   I should embarrass this more because every female I talk to loves the snow.   I was watching a television show as usual had one of those moments of thought like EUREKA!   Yes, that is what they say on television when thoughts come a crossed somebody’s head.   To the dismay of my family and friends that means, yes, they have something to read during this frightful disgusting weather.   I was watching the spinoff of my favorite new show the Big Bang Theory.   I just thought about the togetherness of the group on the show.   The different elements showed up at different times each ingredient different ...

  Tired of society needing a thesaurus, this girl said swag so much in our first conversation.   I said read a book then message me.   I know I am not perfect people look at punctuation in short message text.   I just use voice to text because can you imagine if voice calling came after text messaging.   People would say Oh my gosh, I can hear their voice, I can tell the inflection in their voice and not have issues with miscommunication.   You can tell when people are happy sad or just not robotic.   People would lose their minds however now it is easy to hide behind text because then you do not have to connect with people or hear a response.   Then they would have to face the emotion of what was said to the other person and people have been socially distancing since before the pandemic.   People hide from others because there is always been people hurt however, they used to just get back up and dust themselves off.   Now its excuses an...

  I have been considered the bad guy with the women I have dated or the ones I was engaged to.   Why is this you ask?   The victim culture that plagues our nation, that most absorb when a breakup happens.   I try not to be a victim in any relationship.   I know that I am not perfect with most of the relationships that I am in or the ones that are not exactly a relationship or not tagged as one.   I want to be transparent in my dating life.   Let me state I can always say what I want.   The last ones were just an abortion and I was careful however when I am all in it’s the same result.   Maybe it is me I thought however I cannot take all the credit except for the choosing the wrong candidates.   I know that I have tried different approaches still not working however I have gone the opposite not giving a damn if I find someone since I have found that people like to be rejected.   I need to be the Harvard of dating and just reject al...

  Do you know who I am? I need to ask myself that in a mirror as I bury me deeper and deeper.   While I allowed these females to say you are not good enough by pounding me into submission.   Little did they know life has tried and hits like them a bitch.   I have seen whom I am with others and inside I sit dormant thinking that was me once.   That is me is what I should be saying not letting it drag me down, well as Johnny Cash once sang ain’t no grave going to keep my body down.   Well while I am still alive.     Let me still unpack the time I have been just in hibernation well especially with this Pandemic.   I need to unpack the last month.   Now that this television show as utterly confused me.   Sorry off on a side bar again welcome to my brain.   I hate saying that I used to be someone especially with my fiend and acquaintances from my life of money bring up constantly, the boost from my friend my brother and the booste...

  Hello and welcome back to this left for dead blog.   I have had a situation as of late, to adjust my medication to lower it and I no longer have a couple streams of consciousness every now and then.   I am more lucid to explain my thoughts and feelings.   I was buried under 60 milligrams of suppression that saddled me with the equivalent having cement blocks on my shoes.   I could struggle however it would bring me in and down.   The struggle was tiresome many times and I did it in private.   I know the medicine has taken the edge off of me.   I have to find this balance I speak of like my Libra scales always trying to balance in a balancing act.   This is hard for me because I was in it could not really think about it and I thought if I could not feel then I was good.   The more I can feel the more my senses get under attack I tend to lash out.    I was accused once again for being on drugs and my friends were trashed by n...